im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
handjob tips. give me some.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
