Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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