Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
