Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sext me about skeletons
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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