Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Did I show you my penis last night?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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