if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
