Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
my liver is dry heaving
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
