The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
