fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
