I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
