Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and she was petting her beer can
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
