GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
