Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
