how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
