What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
