It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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