I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
