At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
