I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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