Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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