You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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