I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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