I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
