Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
