Already got asked if we're dating
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
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