when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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