Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
