mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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