We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
