She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
