There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if i died would you start the facebook group?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
