I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
