You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
