tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
