no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
