on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
