He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
