It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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