i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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