u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
