just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
