508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
