it wasn't lemon gatorade
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
