She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
