i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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