guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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