I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
