I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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