My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
