Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
